Cosmic Café Archives

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June 2007

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April  2007

 

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The Cosmic Cafe Re-opened April 21, 2007!!!

The phone rang - but not in the usual way. It was 'The Café Code': Two short rings, followed by a long one - a long one that wouldn't stop until I answered. That could mean only one thing: It was Mercury! After all this time, I was so excited I just about tripped over a cat trying to get to the phone.

I grabbed the receiver, trying to sound less excited than I was (as if Mercury, the most cerebral guy in the heavens, wouldn't know), and 'casually' said, 'Hello?'

'Girlfriend! 'Member me, Honey-Bee?' Yep. There it was. That wonderful sound - complete with a rhyme, for my listening entertainment.

Of course, it didn't matter what he said. I was tickled to hear his voice, and I could tell he was pretty revved up, too. He chattered away at rapid-fire speed - not surprising, since he was wearing red-hot, impulsive Aries. I was tempted to tape the conversation so I wouldn't miss anything, but he was rattling on too quickly for me to step away from the phone for even two seconds - enough time to let an entire paragraph fly, for Mercury in Aries - and asking him to hold on was out of the question, for obvious reasons.

'Of course I do! How are you, honey? Where've you been? How's my Uncle Jupiter? Is he there?'

'Okay, Girl, here's the scoop. The Big Guy's here and he sends his love. He's with Moon in the kitchen - oh, and the place is open again! Is that righteous or what?'

'That's great,' I said, and then added (without even worrying for a second that I was being too pushy - who could possibly be too pushy for Mercury in Aries?), 'when can I come down?'

'Well, here's the thing,' he said, lowering his voice. 'Pluto's here, and he's not a happy camper, if you catch my drift.'

I caught it. There was no way Pluto could be happy about what was going on with his astronomical reputation. I just couldn't figure out why Mercury had called me.

'Anyway,' he continued, almost whispering, 'once he got the news that he wasn't a 'real' planet anymore… well, it's just gotten worse and worse, you know? I mean, he won't even laugh at Jupiter. He just sits here in the corner, playing 'Doom' on the computer and sulking.' Gods. What a picture that was.

'I'm telling you, Girlfriend, this 'demotion' thing has really got him down. Seriously. And you know what that means. I mean, you know how he is even when he's happy and he gets a little PO'ed. It ain't pretty. So you can imagine what it's been like around here. Moon even made a pomegranate fruit salad last night, but no go. He wouldn't even taste it. Even Persephone can't get him to cheer up. Or anything else,' he added. 'I mean, it's serious.'

'Well, so what am I supposed to do?' I asked, noticing that my hands were beginning to shake - just a little. 'I mean, if Jupiter can't fix him, nobody can, right?'

Mercury cleared his throat. 'Well, um, see, the thing is, Jupiter was hoping that you might be able to, um, maybe look up some stuff and maybe, um, let him know that there are humans on your planet that still think of him as a real planet, you know? I mean, I heard that there were humans that made t-shirts and stuff, and maybe if you got one, and wore it, or brought some articles in…I don't know. We're fresh outta ideas. And honey, you should see him…he's just sitting there in his corner, rocking back and forth, chain-smoking, and playing that game over and over, and staring out the window. It's not pretty, Girlfriend.' He lowered his voice even more: 'It's actually kind of scary… I mean, you never know what he might do…' He paused. 'Well, you know what I mean.'

I sighed. I certainly did. I pictured Pluto - who, to me, every time I'd seen him at the Café, bore an amazing resemblance to Stephen Seigal - especially now that he was in risk-loving Sagittarius - with his leather jacket unzipped, the dark, slicked-back ponytail pulled taut, his jaw line even more pronounced, and that one sexy, tasteful diamond stud in his left ear. Pluto or not, King of the Underworld or not, you had to feel bad for the guy. After all, he may be in charge of death, but he's also in charge of rebirth. Talk about feeling under-appreciated…

'Can I talk to Jupiter?' I asked. 'Maybe he can give me a couple of tips - or at least something to go on?'

'He's afraid to come to the phone, hon. He doesn't want Pluto to know we called.' Oh, sure. Let's all try to pull one over on the Master of Deception. Yeah, that'll work.

I sighed again. 'Okay. I'll be there as soon as I can. Let me poke around on the computer and see what I can find.' Then the thought of approaching Pluto alone, in the mood he was in, rocking in that corner of the Café, hit me, and I said, 'But I'm not going over there and seeing him alone. You or Jupiter, or Moon, or somebody's got to be there with me. Right?'

'Oh, yeah, of course, hon. We wouldn't leave you alone with him in the mood he's in. Just do it quick. 'Kay?'

I had to grin at that. 'Okay, Mr. Mercury. I'll see you in a bit.'

'Thanks, doll. I'll tell 'J' you're comin'. And Moon. Oh, and she wants you to stay for dinner.'

That made me laugh out loud. Of course she did. I had yet to visit the café without barely being able to walk through the door on the way out.

'Give me just a little while, though, okay? I only want to bring him the good news.' I hung up, went to my closet, and pulled out a black and red outfit. This would be quite the evening, and being prepared on both the inside and the outside certainly couldn't hurt.

Next Time: Pluto Breaks His Silence About 'The Demotion'

 

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A Visit with Pluto: Go in Bearing Gifts!

 

After Mercury's call, I went to my closet, as planned, and pulled out the most tasteful red and black outfit I had. After all, when you're due to have a chat with The Lord of the Underworld, dressing appropriately is a must - and dressing in a distinctly 'un-sexy' way was part of it. After all, why get him revved up, in any way, when calming him down was the goal? Besides, if Persephone happened to be in the vicinity…well, as Pluto's Beloved, one can only imagine how she might handle anyone who aroused even the tiniest bit of jealousy - and why even go there?

Anyway, after making that decision, which I thought of as falling under the category of 'self-preservation,' I went straight to the computer, basically to arm myself - by finding Pluto's 'fans.' Since Mercury suggested that t-shirts might be a nice touch, I poked around online and found several, but one particular site had it down pat: CafePress.com. I ended up ordering several from their selection, (lots in XXXL - for Jupiter, of course) including 'MY Solar System includes Pluto,' 'Stop Planetary Discrimination,' 'I still believe in Pluto,' and the one I thought I'd offer to him personally: 'Dear Earth: You Suck. Love, Pluto.' I was hoping that might take jee-ust a bit of an edge off of what he was feeling about certain humans, and give the rest of us a break. Maybe…With any luck…Hopefully. Because having Pluto mad at the entire Earth…well, that just couldn't be good. I mean, think of 'The Omen' - which, apparently, the person who made the 'official' announcement about Pluto had either missed or was trying not to think about.

The one I chose to wear myself was a cute little cartoon penguin, holding a sign that said, 'Next thing you know, they'll say I'm not a bird.' I caught the irony, and since Pluto loves irony, I thought I might get just the teeniest bit of a grin from him. I prayed I might, anyway.

When I approached The Café, I was tickled to be there again, regardless of the reason. I opened the door, stepped in, and wasn't at all surprised to see that the entire place was dark, save for the light of the computer screen Pluto was seated in front of. Just as Mercury had said during our previous conversation, The Lord of the Underworld was, indeed, playing Doom. That in itself made me nervous, along with the fact that he hadn't even glanced up when I entered. That was a first, by the way. While Pluto wasn't ever overly friendly, he was in Sagg, and in the past, he always greeted me, albeit with a joke, (off-color, of course) and…well, to be honest, a smack on my…You Know. I have Venus in Capricorn, so that wasn't my all-time favorite 'Hello,' but, hey - when you're dealing with Pluto, what's a little tap on the butt? As opposed to making him angry, causing him to put you on the Accelerated Reincarnation Plan, and being run down 'accidentally' by a bus?

Anyway. I looked around the Café for a friendly face - for any face, in fact, but the only sounds other than what emanated from the computer came from the kitchen, and since I'd have to pass that door to reach Pluto…well, I decided it would be best to pay homage to him first. So, as bravely as possible, I approached the corner (how appropriate!) where Pluto had set up camp.

I cleared my throat. Didn't work. Then about 30 long seconds later, he shut off the laptop - with a loud slam. Okay, so I jumped. You would have jumped, too. He turned his head and looked and me, and Oh, Baybee…I knew I had my work cut out for me. 'So how the HELL are you, Miss Sagittarius?' he said, smiling the kind of smile that only Pluto is capable of, lighting a long cigarette and reaching for what looked to be his…oh, 20^th or so shot.

'I'm fine. May I join you?' I asked, without taking one step further - not one inch, in fact.

'You mean, permanently, or just for now?' he responded, taking a long, deep drag on his cigarette and an even longer look at my penguin t-shirt - (at least, I think that's what he was looking at). I had no idea what to say, but he took pity on me and said, 'Yes, Sweet Thang, do sit down.' I tiptoed over, took the chair next to him, and for some reason, he again took pity on me. 'I'm not mad at you in particular,' he began, then exhaled a long, deep cloud of blue smoke. 'But I'm absolutely furious with Your Kind.'

'Well,' I began, 'I can't say I blame you.'

Wrong thing to say. 'Well, THANKS SO MUCH for agreeing with me,' he bellowed. 'It's so nice to know that a HUMAN understands!'

I literally couldn't breathe, so I did the only thing I could. I waited a second, let him drink a shot and take a long drag, and then, finally, I said, 'Um, I have something for you. I hope you like these.' I handed over the t-shirt that said, 'I still believe in Pluto,' and then, as an afterthought, gave him the one I thought might make him laugh - even in the mood he was in: 'Dear Earth: You Suck. Love, Pluto.'

Just then, two miracles occurred: First, Pluto laughed. Loudly - and it wasn't a scary laugh, either. Not the kind you'd expect from the Master of the Underworld. It was a good, hearty laugh. That caused the second miracle to occur: Mercury, on his roller-blades, with every imaginable electronic device hanging from his body, pushed through the kitchen door, followed by none-other-than my dear, dear Uncle Jupiter, dressed, of course (since he's in Sagg right now) in…well, it kind of looked like 'LL Bean.' Outdoorsy garb, that is.

I was so happy to see them, I almost leapt out of my chair - but I didn't have to. Mercury skated over, planted a quick kiss on the top of my head, and Jupiter literally picked me up out of my chair to hug me. He hugged me so hard, in fact, I had to tap him - no, bang him - on the back to make him stop. He put me down, fussed with my jacket a little, and apologized. 'Sorry, babe! It's just been so long! How 'ya doin', hon?'

I took a breath, watched Mercury come to a graceful stop, and managed to answer, 'Not bad. Not bad.'

While Jupiter and I were grinning at each other and Mercury was busy shutting off his iPod, cell-phone, beeper, Blackberry and something else attached to his ear I have no idea how to describe, Pluto was ripping open the packages I'd given him. He'd opened the 'I still believe in Pluto' first, grinned - kind of - folded it, as sloppily as all planets (or people) in Sagg fold things. While Mercury (now temporarily disengaged from all things electronic), and Jupiter (now temporarily engaged from squeezing me so hard I was actually wondering if he'd broken my ribs), looked on, I sat back down and held my breath. Pluto had opened the t-shirt emblazoned with 'Dear Earth….etc.'

Then, a third miracle occurred. Pluto laughed. Again. Loudly, again. I know I heard Mercury exhale, and Jupiter grinned. As for me, I was just glad there weren't any buses in the vicinity…

 

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Mars, Wearing Pisces, Arrives to Square Off With Pluto…

Planets don't 'do' time the way that we do. In other words, what seems like a day to us can be an hour or minute to others, decades to some, and hundreds of years to many we've just astronomically 'noticed.' Needless to say, visiting the Café automatically came with a caveat I'd become used to over past trips: I literally never knew how long I'd be gone. I just made sure my pets were in reliable hands - being fed, watered and spoiled. On the way home, I'd check the date on the first newspaper I saw, call Mercury and have him help me make up a great story about where I'd been and what I'd done. He loved it - in fact, sometimes he loved it too much and got a bit too enthusiastic about The Story, depending on the sign he was in. I have to admit, though, that my imaginary travel resume was rather colorful…

 

At any rate, two Earth-weeks had passed while Moon prepared and served a typically terrific dinner. Jupiter, Mercury and I had finally gotten Pluto to loosen up a bit. He'd even put on one of the t-shirts I'd brought for him. Of course, he chose the one that said 'Dear Earth: You Suck. Love, Pluto.' (Not hard to believe.) In fact, ALL the planets present were wearing 'pro-Pluto' t-shirts, including Moon, who'd chosen one to wear under her apron that said 'It's okay, Pluto. I'm not a planet, either.' He got a great big laugh out of that. (Thank the heavens he's in Sag. If you've got to spend time with the Lord of the Underworld, it certainly can't hurt for him to be in the mood to laugh.)

 

Regardless of how little or how long I'd been there, it was time well spent. In addition to the t-shirts - a big hit with The Dark Guy - Pluto's mood had improved even more thanks to lovely Venus. She had dashed off into Gemini, and only had time to zip by long enough for dessert - her favorite - but that did the trick. Despite the fact that she was 'in opposition' to him, a traditionally 'challenging' aspect, Pluto was sweet on Venus, (pun intended, but you didn't hear it from me) so any visit from her was a good visit.

 

Shortly after she planted a quick kiss on Pluto's cheek, checked her Galactic cell-phone for messages, and left (planets in Gemini always have places to be and people to see) Mercury took me aside to explain what was about to happen.

 

When I originally arrived at the Café, Mars was squaring off with Jupiter, and since Mars was in Pisces, he wasn't confronting my favorite Uncle - he was just hiding out and pouting. Still, although I knew about The Time Thing, I was a tad surprised when, in what seemed like a couple of hours, Mercury, who was also now in Gemini - and, of course, in a terrific hurry - asked to speak with me in private. He skated over to the Café's door, beckoned to me, and informed me that…well, that something was about to hit the fan, so if I needed to excuse myself, everyone would understand. I looked at him the way dogs look at humans when they have no idea what you're talking about - head tipped, etc. - and asked what he was talking about.

 

'Okay, babe, here's the deal.' I glanced over his shoulder at Jupiter, seated two seats over from Pluto (in what actually looked like a trine.) He glanced back and gave me two thumbs up and a wink. Mercury noticed, snapped his fingers, and said, 'Pay attention, hon. C'mon, work with me here. Work with me.'

 

I apologized, tore my eyes away from Jupiter's supportive gestures, and gave him my full attention.

 

He continued. 'Okay. Mars is in a square with Pluto now,' he whispered,   'and he's due to arrive shortly. He wants to 'discuss' The Scorpio Situation with Pluto - you know, about what to do with them.' He pursed his lips, crossed his arms and waited for two or three seconds - which must have been tough for him - while I thought things over. Should I stay or go?

 

You can imagine what was going through my mind. I noticed for what seemed like the first time that the tablecloths in the Café were red and white checked - much like those in the scene from The Godfather. You know, the one when Michael comes out of the bathroom, with…well, with a gun in his hand, (as opposed to what Sonny was afraid he'd be coming out with), and wondered if the tablecloths had changed, too, while I'd been there. At the Café, anything is possible.

 

Well, anything except getting Mercury to wait any longer. He was tapping his roller-bladed foot and twiddling his thumbs. 'Hon. What are you gonna do?' He glanced at his cell-phone and said, 'Two minute warning… I can get you outta here, but we've gotta go right now…'

 

I'm a Sagittarius, and I was born with Mars in Scorpio. My Uncle Jupiter was there, so between those two facts, it didn't take me long to make a decision. 'I'll stay.' Mercury hugged me, reached for the door, and said, 'Good for you. Call me, K?' He nodded toward Jupiter and added, 'Stay with The Big Guy. And if he leaves, you leave. I mean it…' I nodded, hugged him back, and he was gone.

 

I was barely back at the table - headed toward Jupiter's right side, since he'd pulled out the chair and patted the seat as he saw me approach - when the door burst open. Pluto sat back, crossed his hands over his belly, and tipped his head to the side.

 

Mars had arrived. Big Time. Although he was in Pisces, a sign typically not famous for being confrontational, something became clear to me immediately: Mars in any sign is still Mars. He's formidable, frightening and definitely not to be played with. The thing about Mars in Pisces that really struck me was that although he arrived in a long white robe, even Pluto seemed to be more concerned with his attitude and facial expression - which, in Piscean style, betrayed nothing - even to Pluto, the Master of Perception.

 

Mars, however, the Great Initiator, walked straight over to our table, sat down at a very keen 90 Degree angle to Pluto, leaned forward and crossed his hands. He looked directly into Pluto's eyes and said, 'So? What do you want to do?'

 

Not the type to be intimated - as if that ever needed to be said - Pluto leaned just as far forward across the table and replied, 'What? You're not happy with just Aries? You want to go back to The Olde Rules? That means we're going to have to call Saturn, Uranus and Neptune, too - unless you're willing to work this out now.'

 

Mars sat back, grinned - just a little - and while Jupiter and I sat waiting (and I realized that Jupiter had reached over and begun patting my crossed hands on my knees), he laughed. He looked at Pluto and said, 'Look. The way I see it, Aries is mine.' He leaned forward, and once again, I was reminded of The Godfather - minus the guns. 'I like the front line of battle. My Aries like it, too. Your Scorpios like to be the back line - the finale of the war, if you like.'

 

Pluto sat back, obviously a lot more relaxed.

 

Mars went on. 'Since it's this IAU who's playing games with us - not the astrologers - why change things?' Suddenly, Mars looked like The Godfather. 'If it's not broke, why fix it? Who cares what these people think? WE know who owns what, who belongs to whom and who feels connected to you - and to me. Let's leave it as is. I'll see you on June 21^st, In 'Their Time,' and everyone will be fine.'

 

Pluto nodded. Mars nodded. Jupiter and I exhaled, hopefully not too loudly. Moon, peeking through the window from the kitchen, suddenly disappeared. To me, that was a good sign. After all, she's the Queen of Instinct, and if she thought things were over, they were over.

 

Pluto looked at me. I wasn't prepared for it, but Jupiter tightened his grip on my hands, so I looked back. 'Go back and tell them it's settled. Forget the IAU. Aries belongs to Mars, and Scorpio belongs to me. Period. As per. That's all.' He got up, pushed through the swinging door to the kitchen, and that was that.

 

Mars rose, genuflected to Jupiter, and said, 'I have Holy Wars to fight. Excuse me.' Jupiter tipped his glass. As the door closed after Mars, my favorite Uncle looked at me, and said, 'See? That wasn't so bad, was it? Now let's have a drink. Moon!'

 

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